My intestines are revolting and I can’t paint

April 3, 2010

Okay, so maybe I was a bit overzealous when I wrote about how I was all better and everything was great… It’s not really all better. I mean, I am a lot better after taking my remedy. I have energy again and I don’t feel like I just want to sleep all day, but I’m still stuck on my art stuff to some extent and I’m having weird intestinal pains.

This has happened to me before, the intestinal pains. It got really bad for a couple of days, I was writhing on the couch in pain with no idea what was wrong with me while Sarah tried to help me. Turns out, the problem is Qi. Yeah, I know that’s hard to believe, but it totally is. My naturopath said that my Qi was starting to energize more because I’m getting better and that it was getting stopped up in my kidneys.

Okay, quick break to talk about Qi (pronounced “Chee”). Terri, the lady who does my Shiatsu, gave me this book and it’s helping me to start understanding it, but oh man, it’s really hard! I think it’s just a hard concept to wrap my brain around because it’s so foreign. My mom is an atheist and I grew up believing in what I could see and touch or what I learned in science class in school. I tried believing in god when I was a teenager, but it wasn’t really for me. Over the years I’ve found some sort of spirituality that works for me, but I believe in things like Qi and energy the way I believe in fairies, I really want it to be real but it’s hard to really believe, you know? But I guess I do anyway… It’s so hard to explain. I believe I can see Qi sometimes. You know when you look up at the sky and there seems to be all these little bugs darting around but there are no bugs? Try it if you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s totally real. Anyway, that’s Qi. In the glossary of “Between Heaven and Earth” the authors define Qi as

“The creative or formative principle associated with life and all processes that characterize living entities. All animate forms in nature are manifestations of Qi. Qi is an invisible substance, as well as an immaterial force that has palpable and observable manifestations.”

Qi is the energy that we are made of, that’s constantly moving through our organs and our being. Qi moves on routes through our organ networks and moves our blood. So when the Qi gets blocked, we feel rotten. That’s about as close as I think I can come to explaining it, so it’ll have to do.

Back to my story. So when this happened before, the only thing that made me feel better was not eating and drinking coconut water. Until I finally got an appointment with Terri for Shiatsu. I hadn’t gone to her yet and it was scary at first, but there’s something about her and her big old house that helped me to quickly feel comfortable with her. I don’t even take xanex when I go to see her anymore. Getting Shiatsu was amazing. She barely touches you but it makes you  feel incredible! I had the same feeling about the Shiatsu as I have about everything I’ve done with my naturopath, I do it but I don’t really believe it’ll work until it does. After one session with Terri, all my insides felt right again, it was so nice. I’ve seen her once a week since then, until this week. This week she wasn’t available, so I didn’t get to go and my problems have been slowly creeping up again. I don’t get to see her until Monday, maybe if I barely eat and drink a lot of coconut water it wont get worse before then.

I am feeling a bit better (it was really awful last night) and I’d like to work on some art stuff, but as I said, I’m stuck. And I’m scared my intestines are going to try to torture me, so I don’t want to move much.  Not that it matters… I’m stuck. I realized yesterday that all these new projects I’ve started are very exciting but they all require one thing that I have no clue how to do…. Painting.

Dun dun DAAAAAAAAA (dramatic music)

Who knew? I don’t know how to paint! I actually didn’t realize it, but I really don’t know how. I never learned in school or anything and I’ve really just avoided it my whole life.

Color is kinda scary. It seems so permanent and complicated. So all the projects I have are sitting around waiting for me to pay attention to them but I’m avoiding them because eventually I’ll have to paint them… I watched some YouTube videos about painting and holy crap does it look hard, but I’m going to give it a try. The problem is, I need practice before I paint anything of consequence.

First off, I need gesso (I think I understand what it’s for, but I’m not sure) and different brushes (all my brushes are watercolor brushes and I read that acrylic paint can hurt them) and some canvas. Unfortunately, Sarah’s out of town at a two week meditation retreat and Joe is working eleven hour days until Monday, so I’ll have to wait till then for art supplies. But believe me, I WILL learn how to paint, damn it! I’ve learned so many other things from YouTube and the internet, why not this? I wish I had supplies so I could start now, but since I don’t and I feel all crumby, I’ll just lay on the couch and watch movies.


4 Responses to “My intestines are revolting and I can’t paint”

  1. Hi there, I decided to visit your blog and noticed that you have been having problems with your stomach. I’m not a doctor, but I’ve found that cayenne added to your diet will actually help with digestion and stomach issues. One small cup of ginger tea might help with the stomach issues, and most likely some of your anxiety. If you’re feeling anxious and nervous you might also try a cup of catnip tea. And of course it tastes better than ginger tea might to you. Just a thought. Have a great weekend.

    • Thanks so much for your advice, I love your blog and under normal circumstances I would heed your advice right away. However, what’s going on with me is a bit more complicated. I’ve tried cayenne and ginger and they don’t help all that much, and my pains aren’t localized to my stomach. I’m also really interested in herbal medicine and I’ve been self-medicating for years, but since all this trouble with my anxiety started, I’ve realized that herbal medicine is much more complicated than I ever imagined! There are so many herbs I was taking for my various conditions that my naturopath advised me to stop taking, because of intricacies in their effects that I didn’t know about (for example she told me not to take valarian root to help me sleep because it can actually increase anxiety in some people and make it harder to sleep). So at this point, I really only do what she tells me to. She’s helped me so much, I trust her more than I’ve ever trusted any doctor.

      That being said, thanks again for your advice and I will definitely keep an eye on your blog. You have amazing insight and skill ^.^

  2. SugarPunk Says:

    Hello! I’ve been following your work on Flickr and I just wanted to say good luck for the painting and projects! I’m starting to paint my paper clay dolls – first time I’ve painted on clay since school.

    I’m sure you won’t have any problems with the painting as you are a dollmaker… paint’s just messier on the hands…

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