June 16, 2010

Well, it’s hard to follow that last post. I was so angry at everyone and everything. I’m not feeling like that anymore, but I’ve still given up the whole social anxiety forum bit. One of the main reasons that I am embracing my agoraphobia rather than trying to get over it is because I have this compulsion to try to help others, and end up neglecting my own needs. So I don’t think that writing on a forum where I’m just giving advice all day is really very healthy for me right now. Somehow I need to find the balance between the two, to take good care of myself so that I am able to care for others, because it’s what I love to do.

I still don’t have much to show as far as pictures go, or art. I have been wanting to make art (I even got a request to make a doll from our local currency group) but I can’t do anything. The garage is just that, a garage. In order for it to be a studio, we have to take down all the cardboard and put up drywall, but Joe is so busy, who knows when that will happen. So at the moment all of my art supplies are in a pile in the corner, I can’t get to my things and so I am sitting around waiting for something to happen.

These pictures don't really go with this post, they seem to hold promise of sun and summer which is not the reality here at the moment. I took them when we first moved in, and I've been waiting for a reason to use them. I just plopped them in here because of my lack of pictures, though I find them a bit boring.

The weather has also been pretty rotten, so I haven’t been outside much. It’s been cold and rainy, spring is seemingly going to go on forever. We did have a couple nice days, but I don’t think I utilized them as much as I should have. At least we finally planted in the garden. We were waiting for our foodstamps to come in, because we needed them to buy starts, and once they did we got some good stuff. We planted a bit late in the season, but at least we planted! Now we’ll have pole beans and tomatoes, greens and basil, zucchini and brussel sprouts. Also, the strawberries are starting to ripen, but I read that they should have been thinned in the spring, so we might get a smaller yield than we expected.

What I’m really excited about the pole beans. I don’t know why but I just love them! It’s not even for the beans, which are terrific and so yummy, but mostly for the way they grow. Perhaps it’s just a lovely childhood memory for me, the tee pee seemingly made only leaves that I would climb under to play. It’s such a lovely thing to be inside a bean tee pee, surrounded by beautiful lush green leaves and to just sit and pick and eat what is growing there. I wanted to post an old picture from my childhood, of my father standing in the bean tee pee, but I don’t have it anymore. I think my external hard drive is dead… I may have lost most of my pictures.